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Envisions of the Human Mind

Apr. 28th, 2005

02:46 am - randomness and word associations, etc. [28 Apr 2005|02:34am]

to love is to live
to live is to die
to die is to have been
to have been is to was
was is what is was
if it was then it were
if it were it was where?
where could be here there or anywhere
though most would only apathetically care
to care is to do something
something is sometimes worse than nothing
nothing is a sad state of being
being alone is not being a nothing
two can be as bad as one for it is the lonliest number since the number one occured
but no is the saddest experience you will ever know
it is something to care
to be surprisingly square
where was it if it were?
if it were then it was
was is still what is once was
was is to have been
to die is to have lived
to live is to have loved
do you live to love as much as you love to live?
how much life must one live to feel they have lived?
was is being what being would be?
have i confused you now as much as i have confused me?

Feb. 5th, 2005

03:41 am - Wrote this while waiting for a friend....

I sit down, watching life evolve.
My thoughts get drowned as yet another problem goes unsolved.
Contemplating being unbound, so many attempts anulled.
Random noises making sound, they fade out and become dulled.
At times there is a crowd, often times leading to some disgruntled.
What exactly do the rules allow? What makes things so anticipated?
Why do others follow? How would it be if no one procreated?
People seem so shallow. Why can't things be more appreciated?
I feel so mellow, although at times I get so excited.
I want to fly like a crow, yet too many a time I have fealt grounded.
How can a person feel so low, while everything they do makes others so astounded?
Wondering if there is still hope for growth, the fog leaves a feeling of being flooded.
Thinking back upon forgotten oaths, they come back to haunt like the undead.
They grunt, they groan and moan, complaining about the fake food they are fed.
We think we are all alone, fantasy being the reality and what is read.
To think only about what is shown could mean one is nearly brain-dead.
Too much feedback causes speakers blown, the resources being too thinly spread.
The flash is as whit as snow, yet the flowers of Spring colorfully fill the bed.
No variables means lack of need for control, and no control means lost or dead.
Grab a fry from the bowl, dripping in sauce of red.
HOw does one define a soul? And how do things eat away at it like it is bread?
What exactly IS a goal? And why is it failure we so dread?
Would you rather pay a toll or find your own way to the opposing riverbed?
It is time for me to call it whole, and bring this entry to an end.

Sep. 15th, 2004

10:26 pm - A poem

Can't stand
Can't fall
Can't Stand
Can't fall
I'm not ready to fall yet
I'm not ready to fall yet

You left me in the dark
You let me fall apart
Now I'm here waiting for
Something so, so much more

Can't stand
Can't fall
Can't Stand
Can't fall
I'm not ready to fall yet
I'm not ready to fall yet

I'm here all, all alone
Things to me have been shown
Now I know, now I know
It's time to let you go

You walked out on me
left where I couldn't see
But ever since I've been broken
Not a word has been spoken
Not a thing has been touched
Every single word given a hush
But you act like I can't stand
I bet you wouldn't understand
You can't make me fall
You'll never make me fall!

Must stand
Can't fall
Must stand
Can't fall

I'm never going to fall
I'm never going to fall

Jul. 13th, 2004

10:08 pm - Forsaken

Would you be afraid
if when you looked into my eyes
and saw what I have seen
and experienced over and over again
Would you run away
or would you be intrigued
by my knowledge of subject matter
no one ever needs to see
Foreign steps I have taken are terrozing
but encouragable matter of thoughtful meanings
that were supposed to be behind the words and actions
towards me
For I am only forsaken
Trying to forget the road I've been on
Can you do the same
when you come to realize
you caused this matter of what is now
considered to be a reflection of me
and in my eyes you will be then
able to replay the events in which occured
for the first time seeing them in a different point of view
seeing them for what they really are
and not disguised by substance blurriness
Conclusions you come to would then
become disturbing
but remember I am only forsaken
you made me who I am now
but when you look into my eyes
you won't be able to run away
from the prospective damage you caused
but its only damage that was done
for a moment in time
For I am forsaken and also a forgiver
Can you call yourself the same
when you question the integrity of
what we call you and I

Jul. 1st, 2004

09:20 pm - I wanted

I wanted to hold on to you forever
but in time I had to let you go and fly away
They always said
"if you love someone set them free"
So I watched you disappear into the mist
within one night
I didnt get the chance to say what I felt
I could only cry and hope that all
would end up
as they say "okay"
none the less It didn't change
how I felt. for I still loved you
Clinging onto my pillow
I prayed to get through the night
as I was left alone in our place
we once called "home"
There and Then I knew
what it felt to be alone
Morning came
and at that moment
I wanted to find you
to only hold you once more
to allow you to see inside me
and know the true amount of love
I felt for you..endless
But there was nowhere to run
as I caught that flight
Never to return to the memories we made
But I wanted to forgive you, and to hold you
all at the same time
Wanted you to forgive me
and all that was conceived
consisting of our own scares
what we now consider to be
the wrong place and the wrong time
but nothing changed, for I still loved you
and wanted nothing more than to hold on to you
but months went by
I wanted to get over you
and 6 months later
I am just now having this reculation
I wanted to hate you
but impossible this is.
I wanted to eventually forget you
but its engraved in my head
I wanted to move on
and thus is the event I'm living
but to know if I would ever see you again
I would probably just look at you and smile
cause as the tide has turned
my love became dislike and my dislike turned back into kindness
So now I want to be on equal ground again
and not to lose my footing
For I finally receive what I always wanted
the Chance to exhale and look at you in a different light
without bitterness or hurt
the different light that you and I are is one thing.. Just human

XPOSTED IN graffiti_wall,authorsfreewriters

Jun. 17th, 2004

11:01 am - DRAMA QUEEN [17 Jun 2004|04:00am]

DRAMA QUEEN [17 Jun 2004|04:00am]
You tell me that I came to you in a dream
Tellin' me that I treated you like a queen
You tell me that you don't want my green
Then you talk your trash and I exit the scene
As you are crying out that I am so mean
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
Now I have nightmares instead of my dreams
Back then you deserved to be treated like a queen
You still don't want my green, but now you want all of me
Stalking me as soon as I left the scene
Please, tell me what that means
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
A scary monster makes the children scream
Now your liver hurts, or is it your splean?
If you hold your breathe long enough you will turn green
You scare me like a kid watching a creepy movie scene
I jump back, having seen the obscene
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
So much pressure causes bursting at the seems
With such a big mess I wonder if it was ever clean
The figures add up just like an ATM machine
I have gone from being seen to being unseen
Why are you talking about your blue jeans
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
No drama, yet you still shout and scream
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to start over clean
You always withdraw and never deposit my time and energy
Some might say that I am finally hiding
Why are you still crying to me?
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
You tell me that I came to you in a dream
Tellin' me that I treated you like a queen
Then you talk your trash and I exit the scene
As you are crying out that I am so mean
Please, tell me what that means
~She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~
~Yes, She Is A Queen, Such A Drama Queen~

Current Music: The G.O.T. Boyz - The G.O.T.

Jun. 16th, 2004

12:55 pm - So..um...critique at will

A new poem after some time has passed me by. Come and read it. Everything is welcome, even a one liner that says "I read it!" :)

Things to Remember

Ask me questions
And I'll prattle:
Of Jack-

His folklore seeds thrown away,
Head soaked in stinging vinegar,

And Jill
And other Herculean tales that haunt childhoods;

Of an eerie Cassandra
With E.S.P.-
Add smoke, echoes and floating robes
For SFX,

And battles raved, waged and ravaged
Over women who boasted of a thousand ships;

Of the wonders of shapes-
Parabolas of hope
And the aerodynamics of joy,

Overlooked by stubborn
Maths books;

Of Fears-
The more tangible ones,
The ones that hit you on warm chatty evenings,
Father in his room in a russet nightgown,
Wee Willie Winkie running through the town;

Of Dates and Histories-
Nicely packaged in assortable bits
Of easy to understand wrong linearity,
Hiroshima museums of terror and
Revolts of scarlet patriotism;

Of data arranged in
Unvarying binaries, green and purple-
Scroll down programmes,
Dysfunctional functions,
No sense of humour,
Creating codes of conspiracies,
Deaths and romance.

Crowded hasty entries inscribe themselves
In a sprawling scrawl
On blank rule-lined pages-
Dog-eared with time,
Stained with disuse,
Inside the matrix of my head.

The only blank spots-
Like sheaves torn out of
Brown paper exercise books
By an errant schoolboy
Sending invisible cargoes
To obscure lands,
Are the truly unforgettable things.

Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Evanescence - My Immortal

Jun. 1st, 2004

07:24 pm - How am I supposed to...

How am I supposed to grow
when you try to inhibit my movement
and how am I supposed to act
when I am ridiculed with a moment of speech
How am I supposed to move on
when everyone tells me what you
want me to do and see
How am I supposed to know whats right
and then what's wrong
Im always pulled in opposite directions
How am I supposed to be me again
and then try to do things I swore I would never do
Everything about what Im writing
is what I have experienced through direct over protection
and over exhaustion of your never ending ridicule of
what and who I need to be in your eyes
Im tired of playing this game
of hide and seek
I need to find that someone who will really find me
to not hide who I am really am inside
thus to shine in outer light
How am I to deal
with these actions of own reliance upon me
Free spirited is what I need to claim to be
I can't lose myself
for the satisfaction of you
for I did that too long
I just feel unstable
with these echoing voices
trying to over talk my own feelings and ideals
Voices of you and you and you
quiet in needed now
before I give up and decide
to be what I never wanted to be
maybe then you will all see
who I am really meant and am trying to be

X Posted in graffiti_wall, poeticvisions, freewriters, authors

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

May. 29th, 2004

10:54 pm

comments, thoughts, suggestions and anything else graciously accepted. ..especially suggestions for a name..

All in a day my world has crumbled.
All in a moment, I could never look back.

Nothing can be the same,
Nothing will ever be the same.

Silence ever lives inbetween the words.

Darkness, cold, sad and bitter ever lingers behind all that was ever light, joy, or happiness.

Souls cry for rights, just to be brought back to the lights.

Wandering far from my home,
Listening for the voice that can teach me to love, live, hope, move on.

I could never look back now,
Too much lingers I should never see.

Hope lies onward,
In forgetfulness, in me.

Love and life were left behind.
Will I ever find them now?

As I walk on destiny's path,
I know I can't go back,

I know that no matter what lies must be told,
What truth must be heard,
Or what death must be faced,

I will make it to the end,
I will find strength to finish this race.

Silent lives, silent secrets, lying in wait to kill the weak and unprepared.

Sighing in the night,
Trying to think of all that's right,

Trying to believe in me.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: P.O.D. - "Alive"

May. 25th, 2004

08:45 pm - I can only Imagine

I can only imagine what those around me are thinking
and I can only dream of what will lie ahead for me
Sometimes too afraid to look that far but
then again its better than having to look back
For I know the path I've been on
and the hard fall I took
when I spent the moments with you
and dying to know if I could trust you again
only to go on in the next day fearing
what that substance would bring
then lying alone in the piercing darkness
I think about then and how I feel now
Lonliness was the key that
unlocked the door to insensitivity
now I threw away the key
with the departure of you and me
Now Im numb
thus this far
Opening up again has
been the ideal thing
I must conquer
So looking ahead is what I do now
Carefully planning each step back into true reality
Each step That passes
you slip away and carefully disappear
eventually I shall go on
with someone new
who will walk the steps
I always wanted
Just never had the chance to
So I continue to explore
into depths of deep thought
and reflections of within myself

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